Resolutions, Rumination, and Regret.

Monday Mutiny | 12.30.2024

Historically, I’ve never been someone who makes New Year’s “resolutions” because, well, I’m an impatient person. I don’t typically wait for a new week, a new year, or a new calendar page to convince me to make a change. If I’m not content with any aspect of my life, I get to work changing things rather immediately. And, when I put a change in motion, I want that change to come to fruition as quickly as possible. For example: if I decide to move, I’m ready to move, tomorrow. And moving is all I can think about until I do so. I’m like this with everything, and for about as long as I can remember, I always have been: impatient, that is.

Now, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that my impatience can be both a blessing and a curse. My ability to make quick decisions, making new things happen on MY timeline, has benefited me tremendously throughout my life—but at the same time, my impatience has led me to make decisions that I haven’t always been happy with in the long run. Because of this, I struggle with regret as much as anyone, perhaps even more so because of my obsessive, all-or-nothing way of thinking.

Here’s the thing: I’m a ruminator. I reflect on ideas, experiences, conversations, and situations to a point that would drive most people to a place of madness—but, for me, it’s a vital part of my writing and creative process. If I didn’t allow myself to “overthink,” I wouldn’t be able to think things over in a way that allows me to turn my thoughts into legible words. Unfortunately, in my personal life, the same rumination that has made me a methodical writer has made me an unforgiving observer—of myself. I find myself difficult to forgive, and, at times, even more challenging to live with. So, if there’s anything that I’d like to change in the new year, it’s my relationship with my writing and my way of thinking—and the question that I’m seeking to answer is this:

How do I make sense of the world without simultaneously eroding my sense of self?

And, although I don’t have the answer to that question (yet), there’s one thing that I know for certain about ruminative thinking and subsequent regret:

It takes just as much energy—if not more—to dwell on a past failure or mistake as it does to move forward and create a better future.

From experience, the energy that we expend dwelling upon everything that we’ve done wrong (or how we’ve been wronged) is exactly what prevents us from moving on. Rather than beating ourselves up, if we place that energy into something productive, we can quickly become unstuck.

Think of it this way: if you didn’t spend even so much as a minute on social media for an entire month, you’d get a lot done—right? Well, imagine the life that you could live if you spent an entire year without the weight of your past regrets draining you of your present-day potential, keeping you distracted instead of allowing you to become proactive.

“If only I hadn’t . . .”

“Life would be so much better if . . .”

“Fuuuck, I hate that I let _____ happen.”

I don’t know about you, but I’ve muttered (repeatedly) every one of the above phrases to myself in the last year alone. And, as much as I know it’s not productive to do so, I struggle with not doing it because it’s my go-to way of thinking. So, I suppose the real change I need to make in 2025 is turning my rumination into a healthier form of reflection. And, if you’re reading this, perhaps we have that in common.

Seriously, if all you do this coming year is stop beating yourself up over shit that you can no longer change, your life will change—dramatically. And, who knows, that alone might be the only change that you really need to make in order to start living the life that you desire. Because rather than beating yourself up, you will free up space in your mind (and energy in your daily life) to enjoy the things that are right in front of you. You will inadvertently save, create, and redirect your energy to live with far more purpose, and much less stress. And who the hell doesn’t want that?

Now, as with most things in life, it’s easier said than done—always is, right? We’re all human, and because of this we will never be able to completely eliminate all forms of remorse and regret (only serial killers can produce that level of guilt-free forward momentum), but we should all strive to limit how much we allow the thoughts of our past to kill our potential moving forward.

Happy New Year.

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Thanks for reading. I appreciate your support and attention.

-Kyle, aka “The Capt.”